Today

Today I recall the pain,
Tearing searing burning aching heartwrenching,
The separation of cells, sinew will not grow again,
Oxygen depletion, blood circumvented…
Needed: heart mend,
Wanted: heart restore.
How is it possible to say,
Never will I love, never will I marry
then finding my other half, knowing
before he even knows,
longing before, wanting before, wondering before
He asks.
Bargaining with my self, all of us forever,
For just a little while, if I can have it I want it.
Did I know and choose? Or did I never know,
Or did I know and choose to forget…for the satisfaction of the now.
Just want to feel the strength, the warmth, the steady hand,
The safe place, for a while.
Running away running from strife, war, anger…I cast a fearful fleeting glance behind;
“don’t look back!” a voice says
As I look behind me, I slip
I am falling down a muddy embankment
Desperately I reach my hand up
He is there, grasping, warm not cold.
And we wake up.