A Return to Old Values

Of late I had the privelage to read something from someone most people do not remember, John Stuart Mill. He is best known for his classic essay from 1859 'On Liberty'. In this age of ours, we all have certain beliefs, and values that we feel like the rest of society would benefit from having. Some of those are imposed on us (Privacy Act) in the name of national security. Some are just things that we are frowned upon for doing (leaving our child in the locked car while we run inside to pick something up). Some are things that we are smiled upon if we do do (go to sunday school and church every Sunday). Truthfully, the thing that I have appreciated more than others of late, is my freedom to make the choices that I make. I don't really care if I am frowned at or smiled at, because it is no one's business but mine. I certainly don't think that America should be legislating what I do on my own time. Of course, some people make bad 'choices' and some make better 'choices' but all of them are their choices and they will reap the consequences of them. Who am I to impose my opinions of what they are or should be? I am just another shmoe going around, making my own choices to reap consequences from, and being human and being American does not give me the right to impose my views at all, regardless of my credentials. Mill said all of this much more adeptly than me:

"No society in which these liberties are not , on the whole, respected, is free, whatever may be its form of government; and none is completely free in which they do not exist absolute and unqualified. The only freedom which deserves the name, is that of pursuing our own good in our own way, so long as we do not attempt to deprive others of theirs, or impede their efforts to obtain it. Each is the proper guardian of his own health, whether bodily, or mental and spiritual. Mankind are greater gainers by suffering each other to live as seems good to themselves, than by compelling each to live as seems good to the rest..."
"On Liberty" 1859

Love's Many Faces

In this age people have all sorts of "loves". I think it is probably one of the most often used adjectives, and most misused terms of endearment. But, then again, maybe it isn't misused at all? Truly, I can love dark chocolate. I can love my dog. I can love going for a walk and I can love my son. There are so many things to "love" that the word becomes overused, and sometimes we forget what it really means, or do we? Who am I to say whether or not a pretzel, or even a pringle is worthy of your love? This poem I recently found is one of the most beautiful "love poems" I have ever read. The thing about it that I find most unique, is that upon first reading, we can see that there is a powerful love that is being spoken of, and you can almost be led to believe that it is for a lover. But, as I look at it more closely, I see that it can be so many of the people that we hold in our hearts. The thing that brings me the most comfort this Valentine's day, is that when we hold them in our hearts, no matter where they are in time or space, we have them with us.

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)

I am never without it (anywhere I go, you go my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear...

No fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant And whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of the tree called life;

which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)



e.e.cummings

Today

Today I recall the pain,
Tearing searing burning aching heartwrenching,
The separation of cells, sinew will not grow again,
Oxygen depletion, blood circumvented…
Needed: heart mend,
Wanted: heart restore.
How is it possible to say,
Never will I love, never will I marry
then finding my other half, knowing
before he even knows,
longing before, wanting before, wondering before
He asks.
Bargaining with my self, all of us forever,
For just a little while, if I can have it I want it.
Did I know and choose? Or did I never know,
Or did I know and choose to forget…for the satisfaction of the now.
Just want to feel the strength, the warmth, the steady hand,
The safe place, for a while.
Running away running from strife, war, anger…I cast a fearful fleeting glance behind;
“don’t look back!” a voice says
As I look behind me, I slip
I am falling down a muddy embankment
Desperately I reach my hand up
He is there, grasping, warm not cold.
And we wake up.

So I never thought i would do this

how many of us say that? "I never send forwards, but..." "I never would do my hair like that, but..." "I would never wear stripes with plaid, but.."

Well, here i am...I never thot i would write a blog. I also never thought alot of things. I never thought that I would be a 33 year old widow. I never thought that I would question the very core beliefs that have shaped my world. I never thought I would drive a minivan, and live in the suburbs. I never thought I would have three boys. I never thought I would get married. I never thought I would make it past 25...Anyone that knew me in highschool would agree with these thoughts, Carrie was least likely to get married and settle down and be a mommy. And yet, it fit beautifully. Being a wife and mother was and is the best thing that could have ever happened for me. So now, as I am in the process of learning how to be a single mother of boys, I find myself blogging. Welcome. For those of you who know me, you might want to read at your own risk-heehee. For those of you who don't, well.