Good Mom, Bad Mom and Me

Ever since I became a parent, and especially when I was a homeschool parent, I held my mothering skills to a standard. I did not judge myself against those around me, but against one of the most formidable opponents- Good Mom. All mothers know Good Mom- she is the one who ALWAYS serves two vegetables at dinner, never forgets PTA meetings or after school practices, sends nice notes in her children's lunches, and has the perfectly organized Family Calendar displayed with positive encouraging notes, checks for good behavior, and time schedules of where each member of the family is at each time of day. She never yells, always does the laundry before it piles up, and smiles encouragingly at everything her children do. Good Mom- Bah! I hate Good Mom.

Bad Mom is easier to beat, but I dislike her just as much. She yells all the time and never does the laundry. She sends her children to school with no shoes and no jacket and lets them play outside until 10pm at night. Bad Mom never picks anyone up on time and always drops them off late- I don't know what Bad Mom does all day- but she is not doing things right- for sure!

Then there is Me. On some days I am Good Mom, but not usually. Some days I am Bad Mom, but not too many. Most days I am somewhere in between. The beautiful thing about that though, is just that. When I am just me I can enjoy carving pumpkins even though I know the work is piling up. I can make a good dinner so that everyone can sit down together. I can scold when it's necessary and take time to give hugs and go get ice cream and I can be exactly who my children were meant to have as their Mother. When they came into the world, I looked at their little baby faces, fell in love and felt the same thing every mother in the world feels- that I wanted my baby to have the best and be the best. Life does not always give them what we think is Best, but they always get what Is best, for them. If you had to be a superhero to be a mother I do not think very many of us would be parents- and what a sad, empty world that would be.
So, I declare a victory of self: Bad Mom: 0, Good Mom: 0, Me: 3

Coffee, Coffee Buzz buzz buzz

It was Unthinkable. Another morning, early as usual, I come downstairs and grind my coffee, add my water and push the button. I go back upstairs and get ready, come down and...NO COFFEE. The pot is not even warm, nothing. I am very disappointed. When I say very, I mean VERY. Coffee is my favorite and in the morning- no coffee= sad sad Carrie. After an inspection of the problem I diagnose the coffee maker- failure to make coffee because it is dead. Related to: broken hardware, heating element, etc.

Okay, I roll with it. I start contemplating on Monday that is, what to do. I go online and look at new coffee pots. This is not horrible, I didn't really like my cheap coffeemaker- I bought it a year ago in a coffee emergency and have thought of replacing it. My dream coffeemaker: Cuisinart. They are online, but then you have to WAIT. I hate waiting. So, I go to my favorite (past tense now) store- Target. I looked at what they had online and saw that the one that was most like Cuisinart's new no carafe model is getting bad reviews. I go to Target, ever hopeful that they will save me from this bad situation- with no waiting. I find and buy a Kreug- do not do this. It is supposed to make coffee from little pre-made coffee containers- yuck. Now it is Tuesday. Mine has no pre-made containers anyway- they are missing. I call the manufacturer who tells me very nicely, although I insult their coffee pre-mades, that I can get an "adapter" and brew my own. They assure me I can get this miraculous device from Target (still my favorite at this point). I take the kids, go back to Target in search of the adapter. Nothing. Not any adapters. Turns out- they don't even sell them! I go home sad, several days are passing, and I have no coffee. My friend calls and I tell her the sad story- she brings me coffee (with an extra shot of espresso in it). Meanwhile, useless stupid Kreug coffeemaker is sitting on my counter with water in it that I cannot get out because it has moved from the reservoir into the machine- and there are no directions for getting it out. I decide on Wednesday now, to take it back. I pack it up, water still in it and go back to Target. They take it back and apologize for being such a disappointment to me. I don't know if I can forgive them for selling me such a crummy product, that has no attachment, no coffee servings and that will not relinquish its water. I leave Target. Knowing that coffee at home is a must and still not wanting to wait for shipping I stoop. Beyond my lowest standard, to the obscene- I go to Starbucks- desperate for a Cuisinart. They of course have nothing to offer me. Whew- I don't know if I could live with my coffeemaker if I knew that I gave Starbucks the money for it. In despair and desolation I begin the drive home.
Suddenly, the phone rings and it is my wonderful, wise sister! I tell her my plight and she gives me a suggestion- BED BATH and BEYOND!! Upon entering the store I find my dream coffeemaker, for the same price as online and it is right there on the shelf!! I buy it happily bring it home, program it, use it and clean the kitchen in honor of the beautiful new pristine Cuisinart DCC 2000!!

Although I am victorious, I cannot help but think of all those out there enslaved with bad coffeemakers, the tyranny. And even more disturbing, how a coffeemaker is so symbolic to me and can cause such a stir in my life. I am going to have a long, deep introspective talk with myself about the imbalance here- over a steaming hot cup of Cuisinart brewed Mill Mountain coffee.

Love Song Blues

Am I the only one that listens to random love songs, just to hear the beauty of another relationship? A friend turned me onto a great musician, Joe Purdy. I have been listening to his music off and on for a while. I am one of these people who will listen to everything they can find of an artist, and listen to it over and over (yes to other people's disgust) and then just stop listening to it. The result is that I have a soundtrack running through my life and when I pick up an artist again I am catapulted back to the time when I was listening to that music. So today, I picked up Joe again. He is great- not just because I love his acoustic style, and his original lyrics, but because he puts ALL of his CD's on his website to listen to- this always makes me happy. I started listening to his album, "Stompin Grounds" and was, yes, transported back.
Interesting thing about his love songs, they aren't really the love songs of my life. I mean, we all have pitfalls, bad break-ups, those we wish we had followed, those we wish we hadn't. These songs are all so unique, and they do not apply to me right now. Yet, hearing them I am nostalgic. The music is so vivid, I can visualize this man singing to this other random girl or girls, these words- and they are beautiful, sad, humorous and wonderful all at the same time. He wants to know her, and wants to love her. I guess it makes me reminiscent because how many of us actually have love songs that we can relate to? And yet, how great would it be if we were a part of at least one love song, so unique and so beautiful?

"The only thing I know is true, is when I close my eyes at night, the only thing I see is you, and I believe that we can see it through, and I'm praying that you see it too." Now who can't feel empathy for such a desire?

Thanks to Joe Purdy, Stompin Grounds, "This Morning Blue"